Wedding Day!!!

So my preparations for the wedding didn't really work as well as I had hoped. I forgot to pack a dress shirt, tie, dress shoes, and black socks (go me!). How I did this, I am still trying to figure out. Had to go out at the last moment and buy all of these things. Shirt, Tie, socks: These were all purchased very easily; however, shoes posed a big problem. Now, if this were the US, it would be an easy task. In Shanghai, these shoes were impossible to find.

We looked all over for a store that had size (11 US ->>> 48 Chinese) shoes. Most stores only carried up to size 45 shoes which hurt my feet like crap after 10 seconds of walking. We finally found a pair that fit at the last possible choice for a store (turned out they were too big....irony...) These shoes soles were so thin that I could literally feel each brick on the ground as I walked over them. Needless to say, my feet hurt like crap after the wedding. As for the wedding itself...

The day began with all of us going over to my older cousin's (bride's) house. Apparently, there is a Chinese tradition where the groom has to come pick up the bride and it is the bride's relatives' part to block the door [lan(2) men(2)] and prevent entry until the groom has performed a series of humiliating stunts (I am all for public humiliation!). Of course, the groom can ("sometimes") bypass some certain stunts by giving out copious amounts of money [hong(2) bao(1)]. I was reponsible for the first door. Fireworks signalled the arrival of the groom and the game was on! I had originally planned to ask the groom a simple series of questions: Name? Gender? What is your purpose?. I decided to do this in English, just to add a further layer of frustration.

The groom was very smart apparently, as he immediately tried to offer me a bribe to let him in. Very clever, so I pocketed the money and immediatly locked the door. First question: Name?? He seemed to have no idea what it meant so I asked again, louder: Name?? His Best Man motioned to him to give out the cash again. Awesome, 2 hong bao in hand and he hasn't even passed the first question: Name?? I shouted again. My younger cousin decided that she wanted some money too so opened the door a slit; apparently, this gave the groom renewed hope that he might be let in and so immediatly offered my cousin a Hong Bao. Just like me, she immediatly pocketed this windfall and locked the door. At this point, apparently my aunt took pity and decided it was time to let him in. Grudgingly, I let him in the door.

My younger cousin was responsible for the second door (humiliation door). Groom again tried to play the bribe card and on queue, my cousin pocketed the money and proceeded to state the first task. He had to repeat 3 times this nice little poem my older cousin had composed. While I cannot remember the exact wording, it went something like:

Bride is always right, Groom is always wrong
If I think the Bride is wrong, then I am wrong
If the bride thinks I am wrong, then I am wrong
If the bride is wrong, but doesn't think she is wrong, then I am wrong
If the bride is wrong, and knows she is wrong, then I am wrong
If I am right, and the bride thinks I am wrong, then I am wrong
If I am right, and the bride knows I am right but doesn't admit it, then I am wrong

Second task was singing a song that my older cousin had selected. Third task was naming 7 things that the Groom was going to do to make bride's life easy. Of course, each article had to be approved by the bride, who was listening behind the door. The groom was only able to state 2 articles, before he tried to bribe again. When the Hong Bao landed in my younger cousin's pocket and he still had no hopes of progressing, he tried to break into the room through force. He was on the verge of breaking through, when I stepped in and performed an uber body block and regained agro. After assessing the 1 Hong Bao each penalty, my aunt again took pity and let him pass this test.

Fourth and Fifth tests were not very memorable. Sixth test was having to find 9 heart shaped stickers we had pasted around the room, remove them, and line them up in the shape of a heart. With some "help" the groom accomplished this rather quickly. Last test was he had to say "I love you" in Shanghainese 3 times. He had great difficulty with this as he had no clue how to speak it. He half croaked out the line three times in broken Shanghainese, but the bride was satisfied and let him in. My entire haul for the day was only 3 Hong Bao. My aunt just HAD to get in the way of my cucumbertrading.